Colonoscopy is a dirty word!

When my doctor recommended I have a colonoscopy for a recurrent stomach problem I thought okay I can do this. You just have to drink loads of a foul liquid the day before then get knocked out for the procedure. Don’t you?

Was I in for a rude shock! Two days before the procedure you need to modify your diet. Low fibre (no wholemeal, brown, rye, multigrain bread or cereals and seeds). Back to that tasteless sponge – white bread. I haven’t eaten white bread in years. All my instincts are saying nooooo, I don’t want to do this.  No yellow (i.e. tasty) cheese. Limit (what does that mean?) vegetables and fruit. You are allowed egg, steamed white fish, boiled (boiled!?) chicken, white pasta and white rice. There seems to be a white theme here. What is that all about?

But wait there’s more! On the day before the test you can have a light breakfast and a light lunch. Light meaning meagre. Stewed fruit (what happened to limiting fruit?), poached egg or clear soup (a stock cube in hot water or maybe Bonox in hot water for variety!). No bread or cereal. That’s it for the day (and night). No more ‘food’ or milk products.

After ‘lunch’ only approved clear fluids* are allowed besides the sachet of white (again) powder in a glass of water around 3pm. After you down that, guess what? You have to drink a glass of water or approved clear liquid to wash it down, I suppose. This is the stage I am up to now. Down to the nitty gritty. Just waiting for ‘things’ to happen. In one set of instructions I read they recommend baby wipes for your backside if things get a bit sore. This is not looking good. Hope it doesn’t go that far.

The instructions also say it could take one to three hours for the white powder to do its job. What? In three hours time I have to drink another dose of stuff mixed into one whole litre of water in one whole hour. I struggle to drink a litre of water over a whole day. This will not be easy.

Pardon me while I sip this foul liquid.

To be continued . . . 

*Water, apple juice, pear juice, plain (plain?) jelly, lemon/lime jelly, black tea and coffee, Bonox, lemonade, Lucozade, lemon cordial, lime cordial, carbonated beverages (no red or purple-what flavour is purple?-colourings), clear broth, barley sugar.

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